Talking to Clients about food

Food matters. 

But it’s more than just the what, it’s the when, how, and why. Those can be the trickier to navigate and compassionately look at barriers around. This means that changing what we eat to better align with how we want to feel in our bodies isn’t as simple as wellness culture and healthism like to make it seem with their quick fixes, shame, blame, and criminally narrow views of “health”.

Food plays a role in health.

And, there are many things that impact our well-being, and experience of being in a body. When we try to “fix it all with food”, we can end up obsessing about food and missing those other important factors. I try to see my client as a whole person with more going on in their life than meals. 

That “more” can be stress, genetics, access, support, trauma, ability, activity levels, time, and harmful systems, to rattle off a few.

If that list seems like the stuff you wouldn’t want to talk about, welcome to why people are more comfortable trying to hack their macros, skip breakfast, and give up carbs or fat or sweets or wine or coffee or or or or or

The bummer is that diet culture, thin privilege, healthism, bootstrap mentality, hyper-individualism, and discomfort in even hearing about harmful systems because we don’t know how to fix it, can all dysregulate our nervous systems. 

The double bummer is that there can be real safety in being thin, and perceived as healthy or striving to be. So the response to individuals is compassion. The response to those who perpetuate harmful systems? Compassion + side-eye & distance. 

So, I don’t give out meal plans, though they do come up a lot with my clients. 

But the stories of success with prescriptive meal plans are short because people benefit from being taught to listen to their bodies about how meal timing, macros, and how amounts of food make them feel. Plus noting why they eat what & when. This gives them the skill of communicating with their body and making adjustments as needed because one way of eating or one meal plan won’t work forever. 

I do have my clients log their food if they’re comfortable with it, along with lots of other information. I want the details and they come to see how it’s helpful to include stress, movement, rest, digestive reactions, hydration timing, and sleep alongside their food. And we’re back at all of the things that impact our well-being beyond what we put into our mouths. 

I will never talk about any of this like it’s easy. Having deconstructed my relationship to food following the realization of disordered eating, reckoning with doing harm with my views of food, and bumping into the stories and beliefs that got me there, I know that it’s not easy. I will admit the cliche that it’s worth it but also add that it’s when you’re ready. 

Food neutrality plays a big role; this truth that all food is morally neutral. No, I did not say that all food is nutritionally neutral.

Here’s some common resistance I get to food neutrality:

-if foods aren’t good or bad, I’m not superior for my food choices

-if they’re not off limits because they’re “bad”, how can I indulge on a day that I feel like being “bad”?

-if food isn’t “bad”, I’ll just eat “crap” all the time. I need the label to keep myself “in check”

All foods fit. Doesn’t that sound nice? It can take some time to get it to settle into our beliefs, it’s okay if you’re feeling resistance. Once again, it can feel like food rules keep us safe! And we want to be safe, we want to belong.

So we let it take time, slowly expand into the reality that is hard to unsee once you grasp it. I know the inclination is to do a full diet and lifestyle and movement overhaul because going slowly can feel like we’re not trying. But we’re in this for the long haul, letting go of what isn’t serving so we can be closer to our bodies and further from the harm of diet culture.