Wouldn't you love a list of good and bad foods? 

I remember so clearly, the day my son came home from second (ish) grade and in a *you’re not going to believe THIS* voice:

“mom, can you believe that some people actually think that drinking MILK is GOOD for them?!”

I was mortified.

I had done this, created this, influenced this. Let my innocent son hear me place judgment on food and the people who eat that food, and he’d taken those opinions to the cafeteria.

This is part of why I’m so passionate about food neutrality.

When we share the idea of food being good or bad, right or wrong, when we make food choices about morality, people who don’t have the ability to choose their food-children, those under the care of others, those who lack access to food for any reason-take those ideas and can decide that when they eat a food that someone has told them is good/bad/right/wrong, that makes them as a person good/bad/right/wrong. This is a root of shame and guilt about what we eat—adults who are able to choose their food and do have access run into it too, I hear it from my 1-1 nutrition clients.

I know that none of us want to do that to anyone.

I know that it’s easy to become afraid for the health of our loved ones and that that fear can turn into a desire for control of their lives, which can include control of food. Food influences our bodies, yes, but control is a trickier thing to grasp because there are so many factors that impact individual health and wellness.

Food shame is real. And, it's learned, not innate. 

These shame and guilt cycles have the possibility to expand to different areas of our lives beyond food and body because eating is a necessary part of life and we do life in these bodies we’re given.

Diet culture has conditioned us in these ways, but here are three things to get you started if you want to explore this in your life:

a: can you consider how you speak about food to the young (and all) people in your life?

what if they’re at a friend’s house and someone offers them something delicious that other people are eating and a voice in their head tells them that they’re a bad person for eating it? nobody should experience such conflict, but many people do, daily, based on messages they picked up from society, culture, or people they trusted.

instead of talking about a food being “bad”, you could talk about the nutrients in it or what it can do in the body. a salad with protein can provide the body with nutrients for a hike and a cupcake might leave you feeling hungry and tired sooner BUT that doesn’t make one food better than the other. they’re simply different.

here are some examples that may help:

“donuts are tasty! I think that having one with some eggs and avocado would keep us full until lunch.” (brings other foods into the mix to balance out the donut without acting like the donut is poison)

“I hear that you don’t like many vegetables but let’s talk about the ones you do like and the kinds you might be open to trying so that you can get the good nutrients in that help you go poop.” (anyone who has experienced constipation will pay this some attention. validates that the person has preferences, gives them choice.)

“ I don’t eat dairy products because I notice that they upset my stomach. do you notice anything like that when you drink milk/eat ice cream/have a cheese stick?” (talks about a tangible reason why a single person avoids a certain food without making the food itself a bad thing. invites the other person to connect to how foods make them feel.)

this is how I talk to my clients, with food neutrality, and without judgment.

2: have compassion for yourself if you’ve shared messages like this. repair is possible!

you can have new conversations that can heal everyone involved.

you can tell someone that the way you used to talk about food or your body isn’t how you want to talk about it moving forward, that you’ve learned new things and know that what we eat or what we look like isn’t a reflection of us being a good person or not. the conversation can be short, informal, and sprinkled in here and there.

don't expect to get it right every time or to change you mind all at once, it’s a process, like learning anything new.

remember that nobody is perfect and we’re all leading imperfect lives. (Kristin Neff)

d: where can you take the focus off of how a body looks (something that people typically want to change by controlling food) and shift that to something far more important like the human in that body experiencing play, pleasure, creativity, joy, excitement, or curiosity?

how do you want to spend your energy, your time with those you love? the stress of trying to control things outside of our abilities can take precious moments of connection from us, remove opportunities for being in the present moment, making memories, and building relationships.

I hope that something here has served you! If you’re interested in exploring your relationship with eating with me, I offer free 60-minute nutritional therapy consultations so talk about what that would look like. Learn more and schedule an appointment here. I also share my weekly availability over on Instagram if you want to connect there.